Death is part of life, but nothing fully prepares us for it. The loss of a loved one and the tsunami of emotions it engenders is synonymous with pain, and the grieving process that begins too often heralds a long period of healing for the bereaved person.

Each grief is unique, but sadness remains a common characteristic of the grief triggered by the loss. However, the intensity of sadness differs from one individual to another depending on the relationship with the deceased and the circumstances surrounding the death. The same applies to the needs of the person bereaved because of the secondary losses caused by the passing.

About the grieving process, Jean Monbourquette, psychologist, author and pioneer in the field of grief, describes the following steps:

1. Trauma and shock
2. Denial
3. The expression of emotions and feelings
4. The realization of concrete tasks related to grief
5. The quest for meaning of the loss
6. The exchange of pardons
7. “Letting go”
8. Legacy

Experiencing a mourning, one step at a time, does not mean linearly and in this specific order. We must do it at our own pace and according to our needs, one day at a time.

It is important to keep in mind the fluctuation of emotions experienced over the weeks and months following the loss. Some days, we have the impression of progressing, of getting better, while the next day it is the opposite. The feeling of regressing, of falling back into a state that leads us to believe that we will never be able to resume an acceptable rhythm of life is a common and normal feeling.

A taboo subject, instigator of unease and misunderstanding, grief generates various feelings, sometimes contradictory, in people who meet or rub shoulders with a person in mourning. What to do? What to say? To address the subject or not? Which words to choose?

Very often we fear clumsiness. So we choose to avoid the subject, we initiate conversations to distract, we want to change their thoughts, the atmosphere, we choose light subjects, which relax or make people laugh.

But we have to know that what people need is to talk about their grief.

Sadly, what we often hear from bereaved people for whom the phone has stopped ringing is that they do not want to disturb their loved ones when they badly need to talk, or that few people seem to have time for them, to listen to them, to help them grieve. Unfortunately, the danger that awaits them is isolation, the inability to express the sadness that inhabits them which results in a suppression of emotions, the sworn enemy of mourning.

The grieving process must necessarily involve the expression of emotions, hence the importance of adequate support during the different stages of grief.

Calling on a qualified coach to accompany in grief can be a solution for people grieving in solitude and help them to go through this ordeal serenely and find a certain tranquility.

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Suggested reading : Excuse me, I’m in mourning